The Social Side of ADHD: How to Cultivate and Maintain Genuine Friendships
If you have ADHD, making and keeping friends can be a bit of a struggle. Luckily, there are some great strategies you can use to build meaningful lasting friendships!
Tip #1: Share with your friends that you have ADHD
So, here's a tip I give to my clients a lot - ADHD is not an excuse, it's an explanation. But, if you tell your friends that your brain doesn't work the same as theirs, it could help them get why you struggle so much.
Let them know how your ADHD affects you in social situations. This can help manage expectations and reduce misunderstandings.
Explain how your ADHD shows up in your life. For some it is being late, for others it is getting excited about making plans only later feeling drained and having to cancel.
Tip #2: Master your listening skills
Listening to others when you have ADHD can be a real challenge. We often times are finishing the others sentences, zoning out when they are talking and this can come across as rude or self centered.
Actively listen to what others are saying. This shows that you are engaging and will build stronger connections.
Paraphrase what others are saying to them know you are hearing what they are saying.
Avoid thinking about what you are going to say next. Our brains are wicked fast so this one is a challenge but, practice helps to make this a reality.
Tip #3: Be reliable and follow through on your commitments.
This one was really hard for me for a very long time. I was known as flakey and until I got my diagnosis and a real understanding about ADHD I just felt like I was a bad friend.
If you don’t want to go to an event or meet up when the time comes do the 15 minute rule. I tell myself I will stay for at least 15 minutes. Then it seems less overwhelming and when the time comes I generally end up enjoying myself.
Use a calendar. once I write things down that seems to make attending things easier.
Following through will show your friends that you value their time!
Tip #4: Lean on your support network!
If possible its nice to have at least one friend that has ADHD or get into a group online that understands what you are going through.
Finding a good therapist or ADHD coach can help you understand and work on ways to follow through.
Tip #5: Be discerning on what you share.
I can’t tell you the number of times I have had an oversharing hangover. You may get this, you go out you get excited and very comfortable. Before you know it someone knows way too much about you. This is something I continue to work on to this day.
Ask questions when you are out. I find if I ask my friend questions and get the discussion going I am less likely to overshare.
Before you meet up with friends be intentional about how you want that event to go. Knowing that oversharing and gossip will not get you the friendships you desire.
Overall it is definitely possible to keep long term friendships if you have ADHD. With a little bit of effort, awareness and understanding you can develop strong connections with others and lead a fulfilling social life!
