Parenting with ADHD: Why Boring Tasks Feel Impossible (and What Helps)
Parenting with ADHD: Why Everyday Tasks Feel Impossible
Parenting comes with a lot of repetitive, mundane tasks—laundry, dishes, school forms (my personal version of hell), and making dinner again and again. For most parents, these are just part of the job. But for those of us with ADHD, they can feel downright impossible.
If you’ve ever thought, “Why can’t I just do the simple stuff like other parents?” you are not alone. I remember vividly being at the park with my son, pushing him on the swing—back and forth, back and forth. I couldn’t stop thinking about why this seemed so boring to me. Shame immediately crept in. I loved my son (I have four kids, so clearly, I wanted the job), but for some reason, I wasn’t the mom who could pull off a lunch that looked like it was prepared by a Michelin-star chef. Signing permission slips and attending back-to-school nights all seemed like a giant yawn fest!
The good news came when I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 40. I finally understood why these tasks felt so challenging—and most importantly, I could let go of the shame.
Why Are Boring Parenting Tasks So Hard for ADHD Brains?
ADHD isn’t a personal failing. It’s how our brains are wired. Understanding why these tasks are difficult can help us find strategies that work with our brains instead of against them.
1. Low Dopamine Makes Boring Tasks Feel Unbearable
ADHD is a dopamine-deficient brain condition. Dopamine is the chemical that helps us feel motivated and engaged—especially with tasks that don’t offer an immediate reward.
Example:
You know the dishes need to be done, but you feel stuck. Your brain struggles to organize the steps, and before you know it, hours have passed.
2. Executive Dysfunction Makes Routine Tasks Feel Overwhelming
Executive function is the brain’s ability to plan, prioritize, and follow through on tasks. Those of us with ADHD have weaker executive function, which is why simple tasks—like packing a lunch or folding laundry—can feel almost impossible.
Example:
You start cleaning the kitchen, but then the kids need help, a text comes in, and suddenly, you’re halfway through five different tasks—finishing none!
3. Task Switching Drains Mental Energy
Parenting requires constant transitions—from getting kids out the door to handling homework to managing bedtime. ADHD brains struggle with switching between tasks, leading to mental exhaustion.
Example:
You start making dinner, then get distracted by a call from school, then remember you haven’t RSVP’d to a birthday party, and now dinner is burning.
How to Make the Boring Parts of Parenting Easier
I finally figured out that trying to parent like a neurotypical person just wasn’t going to work. Instead, I created fun strategies that work with my brain.
1. Use Habit Stacking to Make Tasks More Bearable
Pair a boring parenting task with something enjoyable to give yourself a dopamine boost.
Listen to an audiobook while cooking.
Watch a favorite show only when folding laundry.
Use fun-colored pens for signing permission slips.
💡 Coaching Tip: The trick is to make the fun thing exclusive to the boring task—your brain will start associating it with a reward.
2. Externalize Routines with Visual Reminders
ADHD brains struggle to remember repetitive tasks, so take the pressure off your memory by making routines visible.
Use a whiteboard for daily parenting tasks. (And don’t worry if you miss a day—our brains often need variety!)
Print out a checklist in the morning and highlight the top three tasks for the day.
💡 Coaching Tip: Make the reminders visual and in your face. Out of sight = out of mind!
3. Lower the Bar (Seriously, Perfectionism Will Keep You Stuck)
I constantly felt overwhelmed comparing myself to moms who could whip up a Halloween costume from scratch or never ordered takeout. But I learned that good enough is often good enough.
Can’t meal prep for the whole week? Do just one meal.
Laundry overwhelming? Focus just on socks and underwear.
House messy? Prioritize only the areas you use the most.
💡 Coaching Tip: Embrace the done, not perfect method. Progress over perfection!
Final Thoughts
If you struggle with the mundane aspects of parenting, remind yourself: It’s not because you’re lazy or incapable. Your brain just processes motivation and executive function differently—and that’s okay.
Instead of beating yourself up, try a few of these ADHD-friendly strategies and see what sticks. Most importantly, give yourself some grace. You’re doing the best you can—and that’s pretty fabulous.
